Monday, July 28, 2008

Outta Control

Okay I'm all for things being sexed up, but this really has to cross the line...

The Demons That Haunt Me

The problem with being a chameleon so to speak is it is very easy to forget who you are and what you want in life because you're too busy being everything else to all other people. Eventually, there is a breaking point where who you really are backlashes against everything else a person projects to these numerous different groups. Now obviously I'm talking about myself here. And I'm actually quite happy I'm able to interact with so many different people and groups, but the crazy thing is although I have relationships with all walks of life, and I still maintain this "me against the world" outlook. That shocks people when all they have seen is the "love everyone" side of me, and then I break it down to the "I don't trust anyone but me," feelings I have maintained within for 14+ years. I may be 30, but it wasn't until the middle of high school when I decided to live by this philosophy. The scariest thing about it is it really transforms who I am. There is a running joke amongst my circle of friends that there is this character Angry Black that lives inside of me. He was born in college. I would get mad and punch telephone poles, leaving my knuckles bloodied the next day. The worst was when I constantly walked around with an aluminum baseball bat and one day destroyed a set of patio furniture, albeit cheap, after hearing some disturbing news. My friends had to sit me down for basically an intervention because I was letting my anger get out of control to the point where grown men were scared for me and themselves.

Upon moving back to Boston, Angry Black would show up once in a while, not the violent guy but more so the f' the world guy, I don't need anyone, yada yada yada. He has been silent for some time now, but this weekend he made a surprising return and idk why. Life has been good. It's been a fantastic summer. Hell, there have been very few times in my life that I have been so happy for such an extended amount of time. The problem with Angry Black is that he takes out his beliefs on those that actually look out of his best interests as opposed to those that actually make this monster emerge. I guess there has been some anger in me since the break up with the Lady for awhile and I never really had a chance to let it out. I was bummed, but I never allowed myself to really get sad. I surrounded myself with new women so I would mentally still feel wanted. Don't get me wrong, thus far two really great relationships that have future potential have blossomed, but a different one has become very destructive. But I think because the person that I let in the closest over the course of 5.5 years is gone, and we're slowly drifting further apart, the "me against the world" outlook decided to come back. If the person I thought I was going to rule the world with is no longer there, than it's just me versus everyone else, right?

I need to overcome that, it's not fair to me or to those around me. Everyone needs people, and even if I realize that 98% of the time, that 2% can have tragic results. But maybe I needed this moment; maybe I needed to regress just a little bit to see where I actually am, and who I've really become in the last few years. In the past I never regretted Angry Black's actions because he was a part of me, but I'm too responsible now, I'm too grown. Most importantly I'm too lucky for those whose actions should always be a reminder that it's not me against the world, it's us against the world.

Friday, July 25, 2008

iPod Friday

Getting the post in early this morning, woke up feeling good and being right...

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

From Now On, You Only Pee While Sitting Down

So today I decided to go to the 6th floor to use the bathroom. I just saw a lot of people in the 8th floor bathroom today and just felt dirty in it. Plus the 6th floor always seems cleaner, has more light and smells better. Anyway, I'm down there clearing some room because I have a business related dinner tonight and someone else comes in. He goes into a stall, sits, pees, gets up and leaves the bathroom without washing his hands. Point 1) do men actually sit down to pee? That's part of the beauty about being a man, we can stand to pee. And it's not like the urinals were full, no one else was in the bathroom. Point 2) dude passed gas, even if nothing solid or liquid came out, I would think you do a wipe for sanity sake. Point 3) does peeing while sitting absolve guys from washing their hands? I seriously hope not because you still have to touch your business when you sit. Idk, just odd stuff in the men's room today.

Friday, July 18, 2008

VA Friday

I'm down in NoVA this weekend getting a recharge from the drama of Boston. So no iPod jams today, but I did see an awesome 80's cover band last night and they played one of my fav songs...

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Did He Really Just Write That?

I'm pretty good at my job, actually I'd go on to say that at my company, I've completely changed how this function is performed and basically have redefined what would be listed in the job requisition. I try not to pat myself on the back too often, but there has been a lot of good feedback lately and I feel particularly good about how I fit within the department and company. Unfortunately, little things which most people are unaware of tick me off. Dave Chappelle actually did a sketch on this under his "When Keepin' It Real Goes Wrong," umbrella. I've met all of the Regional Managers that work in our sales force, and although in this day and age, race shouldn't surprise people, but I'm sure they weren't expecting to meet a black dude, especially since I've been told I "sound white" over the phone. I guess the "AB" (all-business) side comes out and people can't tell. But anyway, one of the compliments I frequently get from these managers is "You da man!" Literally spelled out like that. Now I know salespeople are social creatures that adapt to who they are directing their words to, but come on now, I don't think I've ever said "You da man." I've asked "Who's the Man?" Which of course the answer in invariably DCD, but still who actually types "da" in a business email? I think I should start dropping N-bombs all over the place, start calling these guys my n*****s, not that I even call my friends that cause regardless of what people say, taking ownership of that word is not empowering. I wonder how that would fly, probably not so well, but I think it would be an interesting social experiment.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Are You F'in Kidding Me?!?!

While reading TBL today, Cousins of Ron Mexico posted about a new movie coming out in the UK called Donkey Punch. I shit you not, Donkey Punch, and from the trailer, it seems like there is an actual Donkey Punch in the movie. Check out the trailer and a brief write up here.

Friday, July 11, 2008

iPod Friday

Crazy, crazy week...once again I don't understand women. They are crazy, period...more on that later...

Monday, July 7, 2008

I Can't Believe White America is Just Finding Out About This

While reading Deadspin today I saw an article on the phrase No Homo. I just find it really funny how long black people can keep certain language on the low without it blowing up. The first time I heard this was two summers ago from my then 16 year old brother. Hell, my man Rob even knew this was old news. I just find it funny that some people really make a big deal discovering new if only my people would get excited over the newest Brazilian or Indian Mutual fund...le sigh...

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Back Out West...

I'm in Seattle on a mixture of business and pleasure. Once or twice I year, I get to go out and do some field work for my company. So I got them to send me out to Seattle to hang out for the next 3 days, 1 day travel, 1 day work, 1 day fun. Yeah, not an extended vaca, but it's something new and I get to see my bud that moved out here from PHX about 9 months ago. I'm hoping to catch a Mariners game on the 4th or maybe go on a tour of the underground city. I'll see the 4th fireworks here and then Saturday morning jumping on a flight to get back to the Bean so I can enjoy that night back home.