Thursday, February 28, 2008

Get Your Ass Checked Out Before It's Too Late Turkeys

So the other day I decided I should go in and get tested for VD. Since the Lady is about to move out and I’m going to be “out there” again I figured it was in my best interest to make sure nothing wrong was going on down there. As much as I hate being an adult, this was the right thing to do. So I go in for my appointment, the place is packed…I’m like Jeebus a lot of sex is going on these days. The most amazing part is all the girls waiting were hot, well not all, but at least 70% of them looked good. I guess the hot girls you see at bars and clubs aren’t as unattainable as I thought. That's a terrible assumption, but I'm a terrible person. Anywho…I fill out all my forms and I wait. I’m starting to get anxious because the last time I was tested they had to stick something which can only be described as a larger cotton swab into the hole at the top of my wang. It doesn’t hurt, but it’s the height of discomfort. Well, maybe not the height, I think needing to drop a deuce and not being able to get to a bathroom is probably worse, especially because you risk shitting your pants or a letting out some gas that can’t be covered up. So that feeling of discomfort is getting me nervous but the rest of the place is like a clubhouse. People are hanging with friends, chatting it up, some are even answering their cell phones. I’m sorry, that is the last place I’m picking up my phone. At that point I don’t have the focus to properly formulate a lie and remember the lie for a later convo. So my name gets called, and they ask me to pee in a cup…sure why not, I knock it out. Then I sit in the patient’s room. One person comes in, asks questions and she’s gone. Then the clinician comes in and asks what I want done. I tell her the basic shizz, no need to draw blood for the major shizz because I give blood regularly and I’m sure if there was a problem there the American Red Cross would have called me to tell me to stop donating. Also, I’ve had all my hepatitis vaccinations so I’m cool there too. Then they tell me the basic tests are done with urine now, no cotton swab in the wang! I’m thrilled! I would have done a dance if it had been appropriate. Anyway, the moral here is, getting your junk checked out ain’t so bad…

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