Monday, December 31, 2007

The Year of 2007

So with 2007 coming to a chaotic close and any direction I formerly had thrown out the window, I decided to try and figure out what was the most impactful decision I made over the course of the year. It actually didn’t take too long to figure out, but it was moving in with the Lady. The impact has been both positive and negative. In January of this year I started business school as a full time student while moving to a part time role at my former company. Man was that the sweet life, get up at 8:45, work from home until about 1pm, eat, shower, prepare for class and head out to catch the Red Line for a 4:30pm class. Around April, we started looking for apts. At the same time, I figured if I’m moving closer to the city maybe I should alter my schedule, and become a part time student and go back to work full time. I interviewed at several places, most I didn’t like, and finally landed the role I was most excited about from the start. I was in a new industry, making more money, granted tuition reimbursement, and feeling pretty happy with the decision I had made. So without having the Lady as motivation to move, although I’d still have my old job, I think I would have been miserable staying there any longer. But on the other hand, I would have remained a full time student and I would be getting ready to enter my final semester of grad school. But I think in terms of school and work, I made the right decision. I’m going to save several thousands of dollars in tuition, I’m part of a company that is on the rise as opposed to on the decline, and once I finish my MBA, I’ll have great experience in two unique industries and will be able to pretty much pick my position and command a solid salary for an MBA grad.

On the negative side, I don’t think I’ve been personally happy for more than a week straight since July. There is constant fighting, bickering, and anger. It’s an eternal struggle I thought was finally ending, and then it doesn’t. Since the Lady opened up the waterworks Saturday and I did my best to make her feel better, I’ve been miserable. I was energized when I thought all this turbulence had come to an end. I was ready to begin living again, something I haven’t truly been able to do for months. Now I feel as if I have recoiled back to where I shouldn’t be. Tonight I had three options and just recently a fourth to hang out with people and start the new year off right, now I’m staying in to avoid dealing with a river of tears tomorrow. My need to protect people causes my own self harm. If I believed in resolutions, I would resolve to fix that, but since I don’t, it is what it is…

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