Saturday, December 22, 2007

Pulled the Plug...

So I’ve written about 4 different posts over the last 2 days pertaining to the same subject. But I didn’t post them because although the point of this blog is simply to be an outlet for what’s going on in my noggin I still need to be respectful of those I’m writing about, even if they have no idea this blog exists. So I finally had an idea on how to write this, and as usual the idea came to be in the bathroom. Seriously, business executives should have bathrooms directly in their offices, hell they should hold conference calls in there, more genius ideas take place in the can than anywhere else.

The point being, I figured that ending relationships is kind of like death. And I know that sounds extreme, but let me break this out. Relationships end in a manner like how death comes, either all of sudden and slow and painfully. They also measure up similarly in time line. Usually when someone gets blindsided in a relationship, it’s pretty early in the courtship. You think the first 6-12 months have been great and boom, you’re getting dumped over email. Many times with unexpected death, it’s a person young in life and they had so much potential as they grew older. When death is expected, it’s almost welcomed. Not because you dislike the person who is sick, but simply because you care about them so much, you don’t want them to suffer anymore. Or perhaps the person is a shell of themselves, no longer able to properly function, and basically incapable of living without life support. But when that person passes, most people have already come to terms with the inevitable and although we still mourn, we have beliefs that the decreased is in a better place. Relationships work the same way, after years and years of growing apart, and not being able to resolve disputes, the two parties come to realize the last few years was basically a slow death, and it’s time to let it go. And yes it hurts, but because the couple has seen the writing on the wall for quite some time, it just doesn’t hurt as much. Perhaps, I’m in denial, but I don’t think so. I just think after working so hard to make things right, well, you can only do so much before you’re on empty. I think the Lady and I have been running on fumes for the last 2 months, and those are all gone now.

So now comes the point of how badly should I hurt? I will always care for her wellbeing, but there is such a relief knowing I don’t have to walk on eggshells anymore. I can do what I want when I want without having to answer to anyone but myself. I don’t have to be concerned with making someone else happy while sacrificing my own happiness. Who I am right now, is who I will be for the next person, and she will love me for who I am now, and not simply what she wants me to be.

So this leads to two conversations I’ve had with people over the last couple of nights. I was out with my coworkers, and I came to hear the story about how one of them met her husband. Basically, without going into long details, she was at a work party, met a guy and just fell for him. The twist is she was engaged at the time and her future husband had a gf too. As a result of reading this, you may say, “What a whore?” or “That guy is such a jerk!” But even though they were in relationships, there had to be something wrong with the situation to begin with, and they found love in each other at the right time. Hence maybe there isn’t a grieving period, maybe you just jump right back in when you feel it. I don’t think I believe in a rebound relationship. I’m pretty sure people have rebound sex, but I don’t think people just jump back into a relationship after a bad one has ended just to get over the ex. If you get into a relationship sooner than later, hopefully it’s because you have seen a lot of what you didn’t have in the new person.

But that gets to convo #2. Last night I was at a bar talking to a girl who was a friend of a friend, and she asked me if I thought people came into your life at a certain time for a certain reason. I said no, and told her why…..but a little later in the night, I found out another girl there, who I had met a few times and had hit it off with every time we met is getting divorced from her husband. So that brings back into question, do people actually come into your life at certain times for certain reasons? So what do I do? And what does this mean? Did we both end things with our significant others at approximately the same time and just run into each other just as coincidence? Is there a period I’m supposed to wait before doing anything and how do I know if she’s looking for something? I mean she’s going through a divorce, which has to be much worse that ending things with a gf. But what if the original girl asked that question because she had an interest in me, and we actually were getting along extremely well. Did we come into contact for a specific reason at this particular time? And let me also mention that they both were pushing for me to join them for NYE. How does a guy like me not seem like a sleaze, but also not want to risk losing an opportunity to get to know someone, even in a casual way where more of a friendship gets developed as opposed to a relationship. And am I stone cold for even thinking like this literally days after the Lady decided to call us quits? Idk, maybe it's the age, maybe it's the holiday season where I just want to keep myself happy, or maybe I've just been so prepared for death that I'm not as phased as I thought I would be? Time will tell my friends, but how much is the mystery.

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