Thursday, September 13, 2007

Why I hate baby pictures...and more...

So I was just looking through my RSS reader and I came across an update for a blog I frequent. The subject of the blog was the birth of a new baby in her family with a pic of the kid...seriously, wtf? I don't get people who do this. What enjoyment do people really get out of looking at baby pictures? I cannot tell you how much it pains me to sit on a couch and be forced to look through 100 pictures of a kid learning how to walk, or eating Cheerios or some crap like that...and I'd say there are always in sets of 5 which are basically the same damn picture but the kid slightly moved his or her hand or has a half assed smile on their face. Now, before going on, I'll whole hearted admit that I can be, and often times am a jerk, so if this rant seems unnecessary, whatever, it's who I am. But I gotta get this out...So your question might be, "Why do I care about this in the first place?" Well, I'm so angry about this because in my opinion, just showing off pictures of kids or bringing them to work is the ultimate form of arrogance. Why do people assume we want to see their kids, or worse listen to their kids cry or run around like buffoons at work? If I ask to see pictures, then gladly whip them out and I will sit there and make small talk. But don't ask me if I want to see them, because the honest to god answer will be no. And I will tell you no flat out. Don't look at this as an insult, I'm just telling it like it is, I have no interest in looking at the fruit of your loins, pretending it's cute or commenting about how much hair it has. And here is where the arrogance comes into play, when I do say no, I get a look of disgust, like "Why don't you want to see my kid?" The question is "Why would I want to see the kid in the first place?" Parents and family members assume the child is some amazing gift to the world that all should relish. It's like dude, a kid is born like every 13 seconds, yours really isn’t anything special, and if it is, we won't know that for about 25 years. I'm not saying people shouldn't be happy they had a kid, but the belief that everyone else should be just as thrilled is a ridiculous notion.

And don't get me wrong, I love pictures. I can sit through albums and albums of pictures involving people actually doing something, but the pictures of babies thrust in my face just don't fly. I have this same objection to vacation pictures. Unless I specifically ask to see them, don't just sit down next to me and tell me stories about a place I seriously couldn't care about. I don't care about how beautiful the skyline was. I don't care about how good the food was. I'm not going to eat it anytime soon, so it's just wasted information. Now, two of my friends recently got back from their honeymoon to Tahiti, and I told them I really wanted to see the pix, because 1) I'll probably never get married and go on a honeymoon, 2) If I did get married, there is no way I'm dropping that much cash just to have sex for a week or two. So I saw the pix and was really happy to see them because the islands are beauty beyond belief, but if you go to Bar Harbor, Maine, do I really have an interest in seeing those, not at all. Do I want to see you walking a trail in the woods and standing by a stream, I'll pass. People get upset because I didn't want to see them in a log cabin built in 1864. Seriously people, think about what you're doing before you do it...your kid and your vacation just isn't all that. Whatever, it is what it is...

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